went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
worst night to have a conscience
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
