This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
