Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
