I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
