would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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