literally had 100 drinks last night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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