who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
