I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
