Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
