Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
