Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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