I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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