Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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