There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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