I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The Olympian is in my bed
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