Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
