I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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