just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
