Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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