Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
