woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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