so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
