You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
