Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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