Soap is not a condiment
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
