I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this beer tastes like vomit already
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
