I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
