If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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