The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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