Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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