I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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