Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pants are for mortals
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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