I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
