either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
