i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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