Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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