Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
