i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
