Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bring money and cleavage
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
