And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
