Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
