just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
