Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
