remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
