You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
