why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
