i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
