Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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