just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
