i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
