i jhust puked up my retainher.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
