Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
