My cat gives me a boner
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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