why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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