i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
