yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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