I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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