How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
