i permit you to call me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
