I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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