I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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