Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
