Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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