OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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