I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize