she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
