I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
