she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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