So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
