I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
