im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
