put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My brain says no but my pants say off.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
