i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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