Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
