Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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