WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
