Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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