My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
