Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
