We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
