First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
