i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize