Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
