Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pants are for mortals
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
