i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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