You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
