Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
