Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
