i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
