every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize