Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
