I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
