I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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