I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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