I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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